"Good Lead Actor, One Bad Movie"

The Astronaut's Wife

        I like to think I have taste in movies. I have movies that are usually liked by the average Joe. Coincidentally, my name is Joe. When I saw the preview for The Astronaut’s Wife, I thought to myself, "boy did that look bad". It looked like a remake of Species 2, which definitely does not deserved to be remade. The original Species should not be remade, not to mention the second one. The only good part of Species 2 was Natasha Henstridge without clothing. Unfortunately, this movie does not have that. Also, unfortunately for me, I was totally right on this movie.

       The Astronaut’s Wife is about a mission to space in which contact with 2 of the men is lost for 2 minutes. When these two men come back, everyone wants to know what happened in those two minutes. The two astronauts can’t recall it. The wife of one of these Astronaut’s Jillian Armacost, wife of Spencer, starts to see signs of change after her husband’s return. He always said he would never stop flying but when he returns he decides to quit NASA and take a desk job. His demeanor in bed is rougher. He listens to weird radio stations. She hopes nothing is wrong but she thinks something might be.

        She is suspicious but still doesn’t fully believe when she hears proof from a man who used to work at NASA. This man’s name is Reese and she thinks he is crazy. She has to believe this because he looks like a hobo and talks like a madman. Jillian begins to warm up more and more to the idea as she notices more and more things about Spencer but no one else believes her. Not even her recurring sister Nan believes her. Nan is with Spencer in thinking Jillian is crazy. Then it all comes when Jillian becomes pregnant. She thinks Spencer cares more about the babies then her. I don’t give away endings in reviews but as always my offer stands that if you’d like to know the ending drop me a line. It will save you your hard-earned money.

        The Astronaut’s Wife is a bad movie with some good talent involved. This happens often, think of Mystery Men. If I had a cast with William H. Macy, Ben Stiller, Janeane Garofalo, Geoffrey Rush and more, I would not be here writing a review column that no one reads. I’m be making a top-notch movie and made sure I got a good script. It had potential but potential needs to be fulfilled or it’s a disappointment.

        This movie comes from first time director Rand Ravich. His direction is too confusing. The script he wrote is basically dribble. As in many movies, the idea is good but the outcome is very very bad. The movie starts off nicely but it gets tedious and boring. The Astronaut’s Wife is a disappointment. Johnny Depp was ehhhh. He's talented but his choice of roles is bad. I personally liked Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas but the upcoming Sleepy Hollow looks like a really bad movie. Remember such movies as What's Eating Gilbert Grape? and Edward Scissorhands. Depp's good acting days seemed to be numbered. Charlize Theron seemed like she was still in The Devil’s Advocate. She was reacting just like she did in Advocate and that wasn’t even good the first time around. I don’t think it gets better when she does it again. Especially when she doesn’t reveal herself in this part. Definitely would have given me something to rave about in this movie. The one I liked was Joe Morgan as the "crazy" NASA man Reese. His psychotics is one thing that gives you some reason to watch the movie. The actors seem like they don’t even want to be on screen. Otherwise the movie is a waste and a bore. It moves slowly, it is repetitive. The scares are bad and unoriginal. It all just seems so fake. Not one scene is believable. The Astronaut’s Wife is not to see in theatres. It’s the movie to rent when there is nothing else left out on video that you haven’t seen besides Gone Fishin’ and Never Been Kissed. If I save one person from wasting their money on this film, my job is done.

Rating: * out of **** stars/ 16 out of 100/ 
Reviewed by: Joe "Buscemifan" Soria
Running Time: 100 minutes   
Rated R for language, sexuality (not nudity), and violence.